how can you expect me to tell you things when you go and keep secrets from me?

we used to be best friends and now i feel like you don’t like me anymore and you’ve moved on and found better friends and it sucks

you know it kinda sucks that i’m never invited to parties but then i remember that i’m not interested in any of that shit but it would be nice to be at least INVITED

it’s even worse when you have to sit and listen to people planning them. like the other day in ap chem a girl was talking about how she’s having a party and she asked the girl sitting next to me if she wanted to go but she didn’t ask me like w h a t e v e r they probably don’t even know that i listened to their conversation

yesterday when we were driving home from loading the boats, sam brought up a boy he plays hockey with and was talking about how we’re gonna pick him up sometime and he’ll sit shotgun while wearing a helmet because he thinks i’m a bad driver (but i don’t know if that’s a joke)

idk i can’t seem to get this thought out of my head and i don’t know why

i feel like you don’t appreciate me

knowing that i’ll never know what i mean(t) to you is what keeps me up at night

i have to do something before it’s too late and before you forget about me completely but i’m a scaredy cat

rather, i don’t want to talk to anyone about it 

i just want it all to be like it used to be

even that post was vague like i didn’t name anyone or give many details 

do you understand where i’m coming from with this whole “i miss having a real best friend” thing?

don’t get me wrong, i really appreciate having the friends i have now but i miss having something real (for lack of a better word)

god this is all so stupid and i don’t have anyone to talk to about it because i get embarrassed and i hate it idk 

i miss having a best friend i could immediately tell everything to

i used to be able to tell my best friend anything without a second though but now i’m really shy about my thoughts and feelings and that sucks because i bottle things up and it just eats away at me until i finally give in and give away a few vague details about my life without coming right out and saying what i want

the only reason i’m even like this is because my best friend and i stopped being friends and i don’t even know why because it was so sudden and we just like stopped talking to each other basically

so now i have a different best friend but i don’t know if i can actually consider us best friends if i can’t share my inner thoughts and feelings, ya know?

and i dunno i guess i just wish i could be the way i was a little over a year ago